The girl that goes through your stuff...


Originally inspired by this podcast, I decided to write about the power of emotions and the variety we can experience in relationships. Starting things off - - insecurity and being the chick that goes through your stuff.

Yes, I've gone through a boyfriend's phone. I've gone through a computer, email, chat conversations, pictures... videos... I mean, you get it at this point lol. I was not above putting on my "Private I" hat to figure out what was going on. I actually remember being excited to catch my ex's phone unlocked when he went to sleep, taking it into the bathroom, locking myself in there, and  proceeding to read everything under the sun. I walked away feeling a multitude of emotions - - anger, resentment, jealousy, hurt... but it all boiled down to insecurity. There were multiple times in the relationship that I didn't feel "good enough" and going through his phone was just the icing on the cake.

You're probably thinking I broke up with him... nope! lol... I confronted him in some overly dramatic way to which he told me "Yeah, I cheated. So what." and... scene! lol... yes, I was floored. I mean, what do you even say to that?

We broke up later on, but I realized that the relationship was both immature and unhealthy. I also came to understand that feeling the need to snoop was not something I found productive or healthy in my relationships. Did I ever snoop in another relationship after that? Yeah lol... (keeping it 100), but as I've grown up I've gotten a lot more comfortable in my skin and learned that it's not about the snooping, but more so the next step.

Finding the stuff isn't the real issue. You almost WANT to find stuff when you go looking. I mean, isn't that the point? Seek and you shall find lol! But if you don't plan on using the information to change anything, what's the point?

Whenever I find myself feeling insecure, I first look at my period app and see if I'm just PMSing lol. For real. I'm super bitchy and all over the place before my period, so if that's the cause I just ignore it. I also see if there is a break down in communication and I'm defaulting to insecurity without reason. It can also be due to someone showing me actions that give me a valid reason to be insecure. Mind you, none of those feelings warrant snooping.

Feelings are not facts, and it's advisable to not get so caught up in whatever you're feeling that you start jumping to conclusions, painting fantastical stories that aren't based in truth, or take your boyfriend's phone, lock yourself in the bathroom, and go to town lol...

Have you ever been insecure in a relationship? Have you ever gone through someone's phone?

1 comment:

CookieLady said...

I've done it. Never got all crazy dramatic and confrontational with it. I didn't say a thing. I used it as though it was a new bit of information I came across for a large research project. I rationed with myself that I was taking things in my own hands to get the information I needed 1st hand because if I came to him like a woman and simply asked everything that I though I needed to know for carity sake that he'd simply lie (because people lie) and I didn't have time for all that, because my eyes don't lie.

In hindsight it taught me that I tucked the information away to give myself a "good" excuse to work my way out of the relationship or put that man in a box and navigate him how I saw fit. The more mature me know understands - if there's energy present that makes me feel as though I need to do all of that, I need to leave PERIOD.

It taught me such a huge lesson that if someone/something isn't serving you 100% in the way that you need then you don't need that someone/something. Be a big enough girl and value you enough to do away with anything that isn't meeting it's capacity in your life.

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