"Things you 'need' to allow your man to do with his female friends" (and how @MadameNoire got it wrong)

Last night as I was browsing my Facebook timeline, I came across a Madame Noire post a girlfriend shared. The headline caught my eye (Things you need to allow your man to do with his female friends) and as I prepared to read it I was convinced it'd be one of those silly posts full of commonsense advice. Well, that's not what that shit was about lol. ** If you haven't read the post, please take a look so you can have some perspective.

Among the many things mentioned in the article, author Julia Austin advised readers (girlfriends/wives/significant others) they needed to allow their man to do the following with his female friends:

1. Tell them they're a catch
2. Pay for their drinks
3. Tell them they look gorgeous
4. Tell other guys to back off
5. Help them with their career
6. Meet them for a drink (without you)
7.  Dance with them if they're solo
8.  Email them helpful articles
9. Hug them/Kiss them on the cheek
10. Go with them as a "plus one"
11. Cheer them up - Her example "You should be thrilled to see your guy bringing DVDs and ice cream over to his heartbroken female friend's house. That just means he'll be amazing at cheering you up when you're down."
12.  Drive them home (in her example she mentioned that the female friend may be "drunk and horny" but you wouldn't want your boyfriend to be the type to not make sure she gets home safely.
13. Help them move
14. Listen to their relationship problems

Mind you, some of the things on the list aren't a big deal... however, for others I think my issue was in the "voice" the writer used and her reasoning for certain things. Like, why can't your man just be dropping off a home girl who had one too many drinks? Why does she have to be "drunk and horny?" I mean, damn... well, of course I don't want your drunk and horny female friend in the car. Put that girl in a cab or an uber and have her text/call when she makes it to her place.

You can read below for my initial thoughts I shared on Facebook, but y'all... if my man is doing ALL of that for another woman, she might as well be the side chick in our relationship minus the sex. Look at that list again... imagine if your man was doing ALL of those things for another woman while being in a relationship with you. Those things are time consuming, emotionally consuming, and aside from penetration, what makes them not dating? lol...

I'm not a jealous or insecure person in a relationship (or in general), but I'm damn near 30 and this isn't my first rodeo. As an adult truly platonic friendships are something hard to come by - - even harder to find ones where there was ZERO attraction from either person as any point in time. And now, just because you're friends with an ex or someone you only hooked up with a few times, that doesn't necessarily mean you're suddenly platonic friends. Yes, there can be a friendship there, but you know what I look like naked and I can describe the veins in your dick. We have a few problems.

I was speaking to my best friend about this and her take on the post, aside from it being "fuck shit" (best description ever) was that the author was throwing all platonic friendships into the same, catch-all bucket and that was a problem. We each have friendships and relationships that are unique to us and whomever we're involved with. People all have different triggers and standards for what is acceptable and the shit that will never fly in their life.

For me, whenever I date someone, in the beginning I make an effort to know the men and women they consider foundational characters in their life story. The people who matter and will always be around. I understand that you had a life before me. I truly do -- I just want to have the effort be made to make necessary introductions and genuinely establish connections with these people you value so much. Mind you, this is for serious relationships. If you've only gone on a handful of quasi-dates... nah, this doesn't apply to you. I'm talking about legit relationships. We're in this shit together for the long haul.

*le sigh* Okay, I'm over talking about this shit now. The post is clearly "fuck shit" and was either written by a 23 yo with no relationship experience or the 40yo single woman, slightly bitter she still doesn't have a man. You be the judge lol.



My initial thoughts I posted on FB:

1. Okay... the dancing, drinking, plus one at an event situation is probably where my eyes will start to roll into the back of my head... oh, and driving them home and helping them move. Yeah, those would irk me too. I guess I look at it like this - - when we first started dating I would like to know the people who are of importance in his life, male or female. With that out of the way, I am okay respecting those female friendships, as long as I feel respected as the significant other. I know things vary on a case by case scenario depending on the guy, but MY man wouldn't be doing certain things for a "just" a female friend, and within our relationship I know what those things are. I might have to blog about this one lol

2. Yeah, at first you read the list thinking shit will be cool... but I'm not about that female friend who doesn't have a man and clings onto your man like he's her personal concierge. Nah... Nope. Not happening lol. Keep it moving and find another male BFF. I DO believe it's healthy and normal to have your own social life outside of one another, but as a grown ass person you don't really have too many platonic friends hanging around who are really that needy. Well, shit... at least most women don't do that. Men will allow that to fly... but a woman doesn't get a man and then allow her other male friends to be "Mr. Fix It" and shit. Things are okay here and there... sometimes... depending on my mood lol... but keeping it all the way 100, if you have a female friend that is that "close" home skillet better be my bff too lol. This is just shit you have to respect in a relationship when you're an adult. Lines get blurred... I like things being out in the open. I'm not jealous, but I'm definitely territorial. As long as we're all on the same page I'm good to go lol

3. and can I just go back to this "plus one at an event" example they gave! What the hell lol... I wouldn't have even accepted my high school boyfriend going as someone else's date to a dance. I'm SURE as hell not allowing shit to fly at damn near 30yo lol. I'm good. Tell your home girl to keep scrolling through her phone and find someone else to go to her holiday party lol... Who made that list? I need to see the receipts lol.. They can't possibly be the girlfriend in the situation. I think it was written by the jilted and jealous "best friend" ... upset her go to guy found a relationship lol

4. ANOTHER sidebar lol (and seriously, let me go write a blog post while I have so much to say lol) but I also wanted to point out that just because I don't go for most of the things mentioned on the list, it doesn't mean I'm about to play captain america world police and monitor my man's entire life force. Nope. We set the expectations and I'll communicate if I ever feel something is out of line... but I shouldn't (nor would I ever) be the girlfriend checking the female friend. That's not my territory.

No comments:

© EatPrayF-ck 2013. All rights reserved. Powered by Blogger.
Designed By Boutique-Website-Design