Being Single is a Blessing...

Starting off the "Shacking Up" series is one of my favorite blogging (and real life) boos, T of the blog Tea and Such. T represents the woman who is adamantly against shacking up, yet has a healthy dating life. I was excited for her to share her POV with the blog, as it's not the most always the most popular view, but one many can relate to. Here's her story...

So Ishea's doing a post about shacking up and I casually mentioned that I was morally opposed to it. When she asked me to do a guest post and sent some follow-up questions to help guide my blog, I realize that maybe "moral" was the wrong word to use. I don't think anyone is going to hell for living with a significant other before getting married, the same way I don't think anyone is going to hell for having sex before marriage. Just like anything you do, there are consequences to the action. 

For premarital sex, some consequences are oh, I don't know: KIDS! And as a society, we've cleverly figured out how to stop getting STDs from premarital sex #TeamCondoms, but no one has solved the emotional consequences of sleeping with someone with whom you are not tied to for life. Oh, you've never had a brick thrown through your window because you didn't call someone back after sleeping with them? Maybe I watch to much Love and Hip Hop. I digress. 

So as far as living together before you get married, I think the consequence is taking away the fact that marriage is special

I'm 31, I'm single. I've never lived with a significant other. I do have premarital sex. I do have sleepovers, if you will. A time or two, I've left a toothbrush or hair dryer at a honey's house. Here's my thing: 

Being single is a blessing. If statistics are correct, then most of us will get married. We will spend the rest of our lives (however long that is) with another person. That means that the time we spend alone is RARE. Why would I rush togetherness, when (if all things go as planned), I'll never be alone again? It's sort of how when you were 13, you wanted to be grown, not knowing you had 70 years of paying bills ahead of you and you should just embrace your teenage years while you have them. It's like that.

The Bible (yes, the Bible) says to everything there is a season. I believe being single is a season. I believe being engaged is a season. NO, BEING ENGAGED IS NOT BEING MARRIED. Chile, don't even get me started. And I believe that being married is another season. I don't want to mix my single season with my engaged season and my engaged season with my married season. I want to live each season to its fullest.

When I walk into Tea's palace, if I left a piece of chocolate cake on the counter, there'll be a piece of chocolate cake on the counter when I get back. It's MINE! When we get married, it'll be ours. AND since I would have stood in front of God and possibly everybody I love to say that two have become one, I think I can actually deal better with you eating my cake.

But if you have your own bank account. Your own bills, your own family and if you die, I can't even come into your hospital room, why in the HELL, would I allow you full access to MY CHOCOLATE CAKE? Just let me have my cake. 

I'm being silly and using something as trivial as cake to illustrate a point. I think that as a single person in a relationship, I should be able to have my own things because we’ve not yet committed to anything different. I should be the only person who knows that wherever I get tired of having a bra on in my house (bathroom, living room, kitchen, hallway), is wherever that bra will be until I'm ready to do laundry. There's no good reason for a person who is not my spouse to know that about me. 

Which brings me to another of Ishea's questions: Do you think you can ever truly know anyone without living with them? Of course not. But getting married is not about truly KNOWING someone any more than it's about BEING IN LOVE. We have to stop believing these fairy tales. Marriage is work. Marriage is about determining that life could be better with this person than it could without them. Marriage is about committing to making it work despite ALL the problems that will inevitably arise by merging two souls into one. Getting married is having a sufficient amount of information to determine if you can be partners with another human being for the rest of one of your lives (because it's until death do us part, not forever).

 (I know there will also be people who ask how I know what marriage is when I'm single and to that, I'll say, in witnessing my mother, who was happily married at 23, widowed by 29, re-married and has gone 18 years strong with my stepfather. I have more examples, but just know that I come from a family that gives marriage the specialness that it deserves. We don't "do" divorce.) 

Warning: longest run-on ever about "truly knowing someone" coming up: 
If I move in with you and decide that having your socks on the floor indicates that you do not respect me as a woman and recognize the fact that I work as many hours as you do and do not have time to pick up your socks and therefore you are not the one for me, then I have essentially wasted months, or even years being connected to you, AS IF you were my husband, when I could have instead embraced being single (but in a relationship) and maybe enjoyed picking up your socks as your wife... and or stepped over those shits because they'll be right next to my bras and once the ink is dry on the marriage license, neither of us are going anywhere, anyway AND with a double income Magda will be sock pick-up duty, not T.

And if you're still not sold on living solo lol:


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