Love Hurts...

"Because my son's father, who was my last relationship, was such a terrible choice for a mate for me and because I knew it, or shoud've known it from the very beginning, I stopped trusting my own instincts after him. 
If someone left me feeling sort of 'meh' I almost thought that was a good sign. Don't go for the butterflies in the belly, that's a bad sign. If someone isn't repulsive to you, has a job, and most of his teeth, go for it. But maybe the guys I went out with did want more butterflies in the belly and knew we didn't have that. Perhaps they weren't on board with my internal reasoning of 'okay, nothing about this excites me... but nothing is really wrong with him. He seems okay... just okay.' and maybe I shouldn't have been on board with that either. 
Somehow when my heart got ripped out of my chest by my fiance who left me while I was pregnant, I lost my compass... and I developed this scarcity mentality... like someone who have lived through the great depression. 'Sure ain't gonna be easy finding a husband now. You're pushing 40 and have a kid. You better settle.' "

- Lea Thau for the KCRW #LoveHurts Podcast Series

1 comment:

Alisha said...

Not pregnant with an ex-fiance, but YES to all of this!! I had butterflies with a man who ultimately was crazy wrong for me. Dated a great guy who didn't give me butterflies, and that freaked me out, too. I'm not sure what my instincts are and whether or not I should them. Not a good place to be in right now. Gonna check the podcast out. Thanks!

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