Feelings aren't facts...


I want to call you... schedule a time to see you. Walk into the apartment we worked so fucking hard to get and tell you I miss you... that I love you. I want to move all of my shit back in so it doesn't look so stark. I didn't realize how much warmth I added into the house. You gave it the bones, but I made it a home. I want to let the dog run around crazy because she misses you too. I want to have in-unit laundry and a view... sunshine... a gas range. I want to put together our shopping list and just be like how we were. I want to lie to myself and really believe that everything will be okay... that the problems we've had in the past, that kept reoccurring for years... that they'll actually not come up again. I want to dance around being silly while you play Destiny... have you show me your favorite moves while I feign interest. I want to pack a bowl and make some popcorn... curl up on the couch and watch a movie. I want to fall asleep on the couch in your arms... then go to bed and tangle my legs around you like I used to do. I miss us. I miss our routine. I miss the security of having you there... knowing that I was safe.

Breaking up is the easy part. Healing is the hard part. That's where the actual work comes into play -- having to process every fucking emotion that is bound to rise up, making sure you differentiate feeling from fact. This shit is a process.

1 comment:

CPenny said...

Teary eyed, girl........... I feel you soo much. The patterns and comfort zones is what gets us everytime.......

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